Stepping Back

My Boy - woodblock print

My Boy

It’s been a while, I know, but there are times when living life takes precedence over writing about it.  Never one for having a single project on the go at any one time, I’ve been busy on several endeavours, in both writing and artwork.

There’s a frantic edge to life at present, in preparation for  a time-slip back to the past.  I’m about to relive getting kids off to school with packed lunches, supervising homework, and all that’s entailed in being a mother and guardian.

My son and his partner are off overseas for a fortnight’s break, and to celebrate a friend’s wedding.  I can’t help a niggle of envy after reading the details of their pending trip, the sights they will see and the adventure they are about to embark upon.  Me, I’ll be experiencing my own adventure, mini or perhaps major, depending on how much my three grandchildren test the boundaries, dealing with the minutiae of a family’s life that is so different from my own.

What to take…  How much can a creative person, one for whom creativity equates to sanity, pack into a medium-sized sedan?  How rusty are my spatial skills?  Once upon a time I was an expert in packing heaps into a small area.  When my own children were young, we used to go camping every year.  Like a travelling circus, we’d head off to unknown places, the car packed to bursting point, the roof rack loaded, and the family dog, a large German Shepherd taking up most of the back seat, squashing my daughter into the corner.  Being in Victoria, every season had to be taken into account for a week’s holiday.  One year at Easter, while camping in Gippsland, we had a ball, dancing in the snow!  Another Easter, we all came home with varying degrees of sunburn.

I was hoping to have the two murals for the Christmas windows completed before the end of the week.  I’m still working on the first.  The second will have to wait for my return.  The current short story, due mid November, refuses to come together in a satisfying denouement.  Printmaking, and a  long list of preparations for my open studio, during next year’s Castlemaine State Festival, will be on hold.  Then, there are the entries for the Summer Spirit exhibition, and others for the Central Goldfields exhibition…

I’ve never understood how folk have the time to become bored.  My son, my boy, turns 30 this week.  How the years have rushed by.  In all that time, and in the years before his birth, I can’t remember a moment of boredom.  Frustration, yes, at not being able to fit in all the things I yearn to accomplish, attempt, and play with.  Never have I found life to be humdrum.  I expect the upcoming adventure of caring for three feisty kids will be anything but dull.

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Back in the Groove

Tortoise - wood engraving

Tortoise - wood engraving

Last week, I was ready to give up the cyber world entirely, thanks to some anonymous yobbos out there whose very existence seems to be to cause mischief for others.  There’s no doubt the Internet is an amazing thing.  But why folk spend their time and occupy their precious brain cells in creating cyber diseases, completely baffles me.

Thank the Universe for a patient and knowledgeable son, who spent his equally precious free time in sorting out my machine.

Like the little bloke pictured, I’m still a bit nervous about poking my head out of my shell, though have to admit it is good to be up and running once more.

An upside to having enforced downtime was more hours in the studio.  After an initial session, learning the basics of wood engraving with artist Rhyll Plant, it took me ten days to find the courage to make the first mark on the wood.  The super-smooth slice of tree was so perfect, I was hesitant to deface it.  After cutting the first groove, it was less scary.  After several marks, I was hooked.

Okay, so my first attempt isn’t perfect.  My little tortoise still needs a bit more work, more highlights to give him depth and dimension.  Even so, there was a sense of anticipation followed by pleasure at seeing what he truly looked like when run through the press.

I realise I still have miles and miles to go with this new art form, but the journey is proving to be exhilarating.  Added to the thrill of learning wood engraving, is knowing that in my own small way I am also preserving the past, in carrying on an old skill.

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Ageing, Thankfully

Abundance ATC

Abundance ATC

Often, in the bustle of getting on with life, paying bills, and fulfilling responsibilities, gratitudes get lost in the mish-mash.

A recent birthday – I think I’ll stop counting – had me reviewing my life and looking ahead to what I want to accomplish in the coming year.  It’s a tradition I began some years ago, a chance to pause and review my goals, as well as count my Blessings.

Regrets are less frequent than when I was younger, which is a blessing in itself.  There is nothing worse for the spirit than dwelling on ‘mistakes’ or less than perfect choices.  We all make decisions based on the knowledge and circumstances we have at any given time.  Okay, so not all choices turn out to be what we anticipated, but that’s a fundamental of life.

As I’ve matured, and aged, I’ve allowed fewer opportunities for small adventures to pass by.  There are moments when I think a more adventurous spirit would have been beneficial when I was younger.  Then, I cared too much about what other people thought.  It held me back.

With age comes wisdom, or so it seems.  I’m so busy getting on with and enjoying my own life that I have neither the time nor inclination to study others’ doings with a critical eye.  And perhaps that’s how it should be, and mostly is.  Too often I have attributed too much power to ‘imaginary’ critics.

I’m learning wood engraving, by doing and with the aid of a mentor.  Old habits die hard.  It took me over a week to make the first mark on the wood.  What if I can’t do it properly?  What if it’s a disaster and I waste the precious block?  What if my eyes are too dim to even see what I’m doing?

Who needs outside critics with such a vocal inner gremlin?!

Like the adventurous Thomas Edison, I learn many ways how not to do things until I achieve something verging on success.  After that, I either continue to hone the skill, or I am content with having at least given it my best shot.

Although others’ opinions are no longer paramount for self-worth, it’s always a buzz when something I do or create inspires favourable comments.  During recent art shows, two of my works received notice by the judges.  They were works which I was pleased with.  They made me smile.  They also made others smile.  What a blessing.

Ah, yes, the wood engraving.  My first attempt is not ‘perfect’, but why would it be?  Like all creative endeavours, it’s a journey.  One which I  have begun.  Today I will see how it prints.  I’ll let you know.

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Possums and Problem Passages

Brushtail Possum Baby

Brushtail Possum Baby

When converting the garage into a studio, little did I realise I would be constructing luxurious accommodation for beloved Aussie wildlife.

Prior to the ceiling being lined in the recent conversion, Mumma Poss and her bub were often to be seen huddled together on the rafters above the roller door.  Now, with pine lining boards holding up lovely wads of fibreglass insulation, the critters are nestling in what must be to them like a bed of down.

I dread thinking about the state of the insulation – especially with the odd puddle of possum piddle leaking through the boards onto the studio floor.  So far, they have missed soaking anything vital, but today, on discovering yet another puddle, I decided to take action.

Is it only me, or do other people decide to take a certain course of action, only to discover that fifteen other tasks need to be accomplished to make it possible?

Last week, I’d blocked up one possum entrance-exit.  So far, the Noise Police haven’t knocked on my door about the hammering, past midnight.  Well, I didn’t want to block the possums in the ceiling and had to wait for their nocturnal nuisance time.  My effort made absolutely no difference to the critters’ comings and goings.  I had my suspicions about a possible trouble spot, but to investigate fully I had to first move ten boxes of books left over from a garage sale… um, from a couple of  months ago.  To move the books, I had to first find out whether the owner of the books (they’re not mine) wanted to collect them.  No, they were to be donated to a ‘worthy’ cause, as against turfing at the local tip.

Muttering and mumbling at the roadblocks to progress while being taken for a walk by Finn, my Irish rebel wolfhound, I noticed the local library was open.  An Aha moment. Perhaps there was a dearth of reading matter in the stately old building.  It turned out that there is a dearth of shelf space, but they would take the books anyway.  Any books they aren’t interested in keeping, they will sell off at the next fundraiser book sale.  Everybody wins.

It was just on dusk when I finally positioned the ladder where once ten boxes of books gathered dust, and one or two pellets of possum poo.  Another aha moment, discovering the poo.  I was on the right track, or rung of the ladder, as it were.

One of life’s mysteries is how a fully grown possum can squeeze through a gap as wide as a modern ruler.  Judging from the way they raid my fruit trees, and steal anything remotely edible and vegetable from the compost heap, I’d have thought my resident possums would need an expanding doorway to accommodate their bellies.   After scrounging through the wood pile in near dark, and sawing after dark, as much as I achieved was blocking off a quarter of the garage-wide possum entrance.

Foiling possums is much like writing – we can envision what we want to achieve, but getting there is very often a convoluted journey.  Rarely does a piece of writing flow easily from start to end, and make perfect sense when reading it.  Passages may slide from the creative brain, down the fingertips and onto the page or screen.  More often there is agonising, questioning, and getting up to make another cup of tea while possibilities wreak havoc in our minds, much like my resident possums after midnight.

The point is, not to give up.  Instead of worrying the problematic protagonist to death, get up, make that fifth cup of coffee that you just know will get the synapses firing, and take it outside.  Lean over your apartment balcony, or wander around your beautifully manicured garden beds – or, as I do, skirt the fallen branches and swear at the acres of oxalis smothering every plant – and breathe.  Let your subconscious come up with the solution.  But, don’t push it.  Don’t let your pesky critic  – you know, the part of you that thrives on doom-mongering and failure – hold you to ransom.  Water the cactus, see how many faces you can find in the clouds, pull a few weeds, or even do some housework.  While you’re otherwise occupied, your subconscious will be working on the problem, and will deliver the answer.

It might be in the middle of a dream two nights later, or it could well be when you see the first face in the clouds, pull the first weed, or put the first clean dish in the rack, but it will happen, if you let it.  Of course, the solution might be to scrap the beginning of your story, or discard the first three chapters of your novel.  It could be well worth it.  Why?  Too often, when it is a HUGE labour to write, the flow will stall for the reader.  And isn’t that what writing is all about?  To tempt readers into losing themselves in the flow of the writing and story.

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Emergence

Butterfly Chine Colle Print

Butterfly Chine Colle Print - glue block printed over rice paper

On Friday, the family celebrated the emergence from the cocoon of the womb – a brother for three young girls, and a grandson for me.

Past the due date, and with the labour more intense and prolonged, different from the girls, we had our suspicions that it was a boy kicking up the fuss.  Though, as with every birth, discomfort evaporated at first sight of a new life, perfectly formed.

Giving birth, whether to a baby, or a piece of writing or artwork can be exhausting.   There are times when the process goes smoothly, the birthing over in a comparatively short time.  Other births seem to go on forever,  carrying us on a continuous wave of agony or, in the creative process, agonising.

Unlike babies, not every story, novel, article or piece of artwork that we birth warrants showing off to the world, though in every creation there is always a redeeming feature or quality, if only in the fact that we have learned something from the process.  If the work comes from the heart or soul, how much more rewarding is the finished piece, destined or not for for public viewing.

A letter in today’s mail brought an unexpected joy.  My non fiction piece of writing, submitted to  the Cancer Council Arts Awards was short-listed.  It will be on show, open for perusal and digestion by the general public as part of the Arts Awards Exhibition, which opens in July. This year’s theme was ‘Lost and Found’.  The theme encouraged those entering the competition to think about a positive aspect in their experiences with the dreaded disease.

Birthing my story was a painful process, not only because of the required brevity and trying to make every word count while saying what I needed to say, but also because the piece came from the heart.  Again, I relived aspects of my mother’s battle with breast cancer and faced once more the pain that came with her death.  Writing the piece was healing, though certainly not easy.  For me, works from my imagination generally flow more easily, the birthing process less fraught.

What we tend to think of as ‘dark’ emotions, such as emotional pain, grief, loss, and depression, are often avoided by writers and artists.   Perhaps it is the fear of putting ourselves naked onto the page or canvas that holds us back.  Or maybe it is the fear of dragging others down into the mire of our emotions.  Something pretty, colourful, visually pleasing and uplifting is considered more acceptable, safer even, than slicing through scar tissue to produce a creative work that may not be deemed acceptable by strangers.

There are exceptions, of course, writers and artists that seem to wallow and writhe with abandon in the more negative and painful aspects of being alive and human.

A piece of ourselves resides in everything we create.  Some pieces we are loathe to show the light of day.  However, taking the risk to open up and air the less palatable and more painful aspects of being human can be healing for us, the creators.  It also encourages kinship and empathy.  After all, there aren’t many of us who have lived the perfect, pain-free life.  And, given a bit of breathing space before slicing the scar tissue of our hurt, there is almost always something positive to be seen from the present while viewing the past.  Something light and lovely can emerge from the sheltered cocoons of our hearts, given the chance.

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