The Chains of Love

Love Chain - woodcut print in altered book

Love Chain - woodcut print in altered book

It’s saddening to realise the only social occasions I’ll have attended this week are funerals.  On Tuesday, it was my close friend’s mother I said farewell and safe journey to, and today it will be a dear old gent I class as a friend, who is also an icon of my home town.

Strange, as I was only thinking of him Tuesday, on the way home from the memorial service.  His small miner’s cottage, perched on the side of the hill above the dam looked neglected.  It’s rare that I pass that way without thinking of  ‘Old Arch’.  There was always a smile and glint of mischief in his eyes whenever we met.  The last conversation we shared was some time ago, after he had been admitted to the local hospital.  Then, he was as feisty as ever and giving the nurses cheek.  He was also writing his memoirs and I can’t help but wonder if he completed the task before the final call.  Over the past twenty years, I’ve been privileged to hear some of his exploits and adventures.  Living until the grand age of  ninety-nine, he had plenty to tell about.  I hope he wrote them all down.

Both Old Arch and my friend’s mother were one-love people, both widowed, both reasonably content with memories of their departed partners.  Old Arch, I know, never stopped missing his wife, even after decades.  The chains of love come in all manner of guises, from ephemeral threads that are wrenched asunder by a broken promise, to forged but invisible links, stonger that steel, that nothing can dent, let alone separate.

The two people who have gone from my life this week will always remain in my thoughts and affections, no matter who else comes and goes.  If, when my time comes, I too remain in the hearts of others, inspiring a thought and a smile, I’ll count myself blessed and my life a success.  Yes, it would be great to be remembered for my artwork and my writing, having made some small measure of difference to the lives of friends, family and those I’ve never met.  However, it’s in the bonds I form with folk in my immediate ken, whether sharing blood ties or not, that I see the proof of my existence, my connection to the human family.

Studio and writing time are diminished today, but that’s okay.  Some days, it’s necessary to step away from the easel or put down the pen, for the moment shelve my imagination, and get out into the real world.  Some days, my community calls for my presence, just as I hear the call to join my tribe.  How else do I know I am of the world as well as in it?  How else do I gain the experiences that make up a life successfully lived?  The chains of love, though binding are not, in this case, shackles.

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Pacifying the Muse

Elf Man woodcut

Neglected - woodcut

There’s nothing like have-to-do manual work to get the Muse throwing herself on the ground and kicking her feet in a tantrum and the Idea Fairies turning their backs on me, in a huff.  There are times when, call and cajole as I might, they all remain silent, hiding and sulking.  This past week, though, their tantrums have been of mind-splitting intensity.  I’m not ignoring them.  I’m taking notes.

Being one who either has too many ideas coming at her at once, or peers in vain into an idea-vacuum, I’m battling a time of the former while yearning for the latter, just for the next few days.  With more rain predicted for this coming weekend, renovations on the shed take precedence over art time.  The backyard looks like a demolition site, with what was once housed inside the shed scattered around the place, along with off-cuts of wood, rusty nails, screws and tools.

The plan is to rearrange the studio, to allow more space for visitors during the Castlemaine State Festival in April, and rodent proof the shed for additional storage.  I’m getting there.  Me being me, I want it finished…now!  But to achieve that, I have to do the actual work.  The Fairies that live in my garden are great at imparting ideas, but they tend not to want to get their own hands dirty, scratched or hammered.  I can’t say I blame them.  Though I do get a bit frustrated when they buzz around my head, whispering or screeching for attention while I’m up the ladder, struggling to hold a plank of timber, hammer and nails, as well as trying to keep my balance.

I have faith that, come the end of the week when the shed is finished and the studio sorted, when I tap them on the shoulder, one by one, the Muse and Idea Fairies will forgive my seeming indifference and bestow their magic.  If not, I’ll just have to urge them with a concentrated bout of vacuuming…

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Accepting Compromise

Dreams Inside Sketch

Dreams Inside Sketch

Signing up for the 2010 Sketchbook Project at the Art House Co-op in May last year seemed like a great idea at the time.  However, when the actual sketch book hadn’t arrived by the beginning of October, I was really sweating.  Amiable  communication with the organisers resulted in the discovery that the mailing provider had fallen down on their obligation to good service.  A replacement sketchbook was dispatched.

It arrived mid November. Not a lot of time to fill even the small book by mid January, especially with Christmas prep and family ceremony intruding on sketching time.

Still, what are challenges for but to stretch us out of our customary shape?

The paper is thin.  I had thought of doing what some other artists have done in the past – dismantling the book and rebinding in some other form while retaining the size.  Limited time, which was rocketing past, made that impracticable.  I would work with what I’d been given, though soon discovered the pages wrinkle in protest when subjected to glue.  Ah, well.

I’d have loved the time to take my time, to fill every single leaf with artwork.  Instead, I’ve accepted the limitations, enforced by circumstances out of my control.  I’m doing my best, given the constraints, gluing (around the edges only, now) two pages together.  I’m compromising in areas other than my personal values.  It’s important, to me, to be pleased with what I produce.

Perhaps a certain level of compromise, dictated by circumstances, will be my watch-phrase for 2011. Already, it has flowed on to the updating of Apt Medium‘s web site, which was long overdue.  There is little fanfare and more relevant information.  Yes, I admire some web sites that are elaborate and sometimes wild, but my technological skills don’t run to all the bells and whistles others find a breeze to incorporate.  I’m much more comfortable with paint, pen and pencil and real-life cut and paste.  As I’m doing with the little sketchbook.

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Towards a Calamitously Calm Christmas

Peaceful Dreamer

Peaceful Dreamer - altered book with woodcut and found poem

This time of year is rarely smooth sailing for me, more like continuously tacking back and forth between thoughts and tasks.  Add to that some pernickety health issues and there’s more calamity than there is calm.

Even so, I’m still making time for a bit of creativity, and some writing, despite at times having to drag the Muse from behind the ironing pile.  I know myself deep and well enough by now to realise that if I don’t create  something in image or word on a daily basis, my spirit chucks a tantrum, blocking all reasonable attempts at a peaceful existence.

Projects are piling up.  In various states of progress, or not, are pressies for the grandkids, holiday baking, web site update, the Sketchbook Project through the Art House Coop, short stories, editing,  as well as artwork and printmaking for my open studio exhibition for the Castlemaine State Festival in April next year, which will combine word and image.

Who has time for boredom?  Not me.

The religious aspect of Christmas has little importance to me as a pagan, though I do love the carols (even played ad nauseum in shops), the sense of community, the social gatherings to share the spirit of the season, and especially the joy this time of year invokes in the littlies.  I could definitely do with less of the commercial aspects, with retailers urging folk to blow their budgets on ridiculously expensive gifts.  None of my family have the means to buy me a new washing machine!  Still, I guess everyone is trying to make a living. (Me being kind and ‘in the spirit’.)

I see children and adults alike stop, stare and enjoy the two Christmas windows I had a part in creating here in Maldon, and appreciate anew the non-commercial aspects of the season.  The windows, in an old-shop-now-dwelling, urge no expense.  What they do invite is smiles, sharing and community.  What better way to celebrate the ‘season’?

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Footsteps in the Dark

Footsteps - Print from carved rubber heel

Footsteps - Print from carved rubber heel

Into the second week of a fortnight of Nanny Duty while my son and his partner enjoy a break, I’m feeling my way through the labyrinth of someonelse’s schedules, routines and rules.  It’s as if someone has turned out all the lights and hidden the candles and matches.

Having been a sole parent for more than two decades, and previously a stepmother to two young boys pre divorce, I figured I would cope reasonably well with supervising and caring for one teenager and two youngsters.  How wrong I was.

No, it hasn’t all been bad, but it has certainly proven exhausting and stressful.  Far more so than I could ever have imagined.  Good manners are noticable by their absence.  Nearly every request, however gently  issued by me, or any other adult, is met with rude defiance and immediate conflict or, at the very least, heavy resistance and backchat.  The eight-year-old out does the hormone ravaged teenager, in both defiance and persistance, which I find deeply unsettling.

With a two-hour drive between home and here, and limited opportunities to enjoy each other’s company, I was looking forward to spending some quality time with these kids.  Instead, most of our time together is consumed by mental and verbal ping-pong, the ‘ball’ continually being slammed out of bounds, the referee constantly challenged.

I had also anticipated doing some artwork during the quiet hours when the kids are at school.  I have done none.  The Muse has fled.  Perhaps she cowers with the fluff-bunnies under the over-worked washing machine, fingers in ears in an attempt to hear her own thoughts. She surely has no hope of gaining my attention amid the chaos of my mind.  Two weeks out of my life was a big ask during the lead-up to my open studio and other projects in various stages of unfinished-ness.  It was a sacrifice I willingly agreed to for what I considered the best of reasons.  Now, I wonder.

So many things we could have been enjoying, together.  Seeds remain in packets, awaiting time and enthusiasm for planting – a proposed project to encourage a reverence for nature, and life, that seems an alien concept to these young minds.  Board games go untouched in favour of inspiring some measure of enthusiasm for school projects with looming deadlines.

There are so few smiles.  Children’s laughter (one of the best sounds in the world) when it comes, if at all, has a manic edge that slices through nerves rather than fostering companionable enjoyment.  My own laughter is too often beaten into oblivion by the meanness of children.

Four sleeps until I return to my own life, my own much simpler but hectic routine.  Four sleeps until I can go in search of my Muse, who I hope will find her way home.  Four and a half days in which to bring about a miracle – respect for others and respect for individual selves.  I’m glad I’m not a gambler…

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